Permission to put yourself first. Permission to change your mind. Permission to want something more. Permission to follow a dream that doesn’t make sense to everyone else.

Permission to wear the clothes, take the trip, start the business, change careers, rest, say no…or simply become the woman you want to be.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because I’ve realized that there have been times in my own life when I was waiting for permission too.

Not necessarily because someone was standing in front of me saying, “No, you can’t do that.”…it wasn’t someone else that was stopping me, it was me.

But somewhere along the way, many of us learned to look outside of ourselves before deciding what we were allowed to do with our own lives.

We wonder what people will think. Will they understand? Will they approve? Will someone think we are selfish? Are we too old? Is it too late? Shouldn’t we just be happy with what we already have?

And before we know it, years pass while we are waiting for some imaginary green light to tell us that it is okay to choose ourselves.

But what if we stopped waiting? What if we decided we don’t need permission to show up in our own lives?

Somewhere Along the Way, We Started Asking Permission

I don’t think most of us intentionally decided to start living our lives according to everyone else’s expectations. It happens gradually.

We become wives, mothers, employees, caregivers, daughters, grandmothers and everything else life asks us to be.

There are people depending on us. Responsibilities that have to be handled. Bills that have to be paid. People we love and genuinely want to show up for. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I love my family. I want to be there for the people I love, but there is a difference between considering the people we love and requiring their permission to live our own lives.

Sometimes we get so used to asking, “What does everybody else need?” that we forget to ask ourselves, what do I need or better yet what do I want?

And those questions can feel very uncomfortable, maybe even selfish.

But why? Why should wanting something for ourselves automatically mean we care less about everyone else?…It doesn’t. There is room for both.

Sometimes the Person We Are Waiting for Permission From Is Ourselves

This one can be a little harder to recognize because sometimes there is no one else holding us back. We are waiting for ourselves to give us permission.

We tell ourselves: I’ll do it when I lose the weight. I’ll start when I have more money. I’ll wear that when I feel better about my body. I’ll take the trip later. I’ll start the business when I know more. I’ll put myself out there when I feel more confident. I’ll go after what I want when I’m no longer afraid. I’ll enjoy life when things calm down…And that “when” keeps moving.

There is always another reason to wait. Another five pounds. Another bill. Another responsibility. Another fear. Another excuse that sounds perfectly reasonable at the time.

And listen, sometimes waiting really is necessary. Life is life. There are seasons when we simply have other priorities.

But there is a difference between making an intentional decision to wait and constantly postponing yourself because you don’t feel ready enough, worthy enough or confident enough.

At some point we have to ask ourselves…what exactly am I waiting for?

Choosing Yourself Doesn’t Mean You Stop Loving Everyone Else

I think this is where a lot of women get stuck.

We hear “choose yourself” and it can sound like we are supposed to stop caring about everybody else and suddenly make our entire lives about us.

That isn’t what I mean at all. You can love your family deeply and still have dreams that belong to you.

You can be an incredible mother and still want something outside of motherhood.

You can love being a wife and still have goals that are completely your own.

You can show up for the people you love without disappearing from your own life.

Those things can exist together.

Choosing yourself can be as simple as remembering that you are one of the people you are responsible for taking care of too.

Your happiness matters. Your health matters. Your dreams matter. Your peace matters. Your time matters.

And sometimes choosing yourself means saying no. Sometimes it means spending money on something you want. Sometimes it means resting instead of doing one more thing for everyone else. Sometimes it means going after an opportunity even if somebody doesn’t understand why it matters so much to you.

That doesn’t mean you love anyone less. It simply means you stopped leaving yourself off the list.

You Are Allowed to Change

This is another one I think we need to remind ourselves of more often.

You are allowed to change.

The woman you were at 30 does not get to make every decision for the woman you are today.

Your priorities can change. Your goals can change. Your style can change. Your friendships can change. Your career can change. Your definition of success can change. Your mind can change. What you are willing to tolerate can change. What you want your days to look like can change.

Sometimes reinventing yourself in midlife is simply admitting that what worked for an earlier version of you no longer fits.

Maybe something that once mattered deeply to you doesn’t anymore. Maybe something you never cared about suddenly does.

Maybe you want more adventure now. Maybe you want less chaos. Maybe you want to build something. Maybe you want to slow down. Maybe you want to travel. Maybe you want to wear the dress you would have never worn ten years ago…Maybe you are simply ready for something different and you are allowed to embrace that without explaining why.

Sometimes, “This is what I want now” is enough.

There Will Always Be Someone Who Doesn’t Understand

If you wait until everybody understands and approves of what you want to do, you will be waiting forever.

People are going to have opinions.

Why would you do that now? Why would you start over at your age? Why are you wearing that? Why do you need to start a business? Why would you go back to school? Why are you spending money on that? Why can’t you just be satisfied?

And sometimes those questions aren’t even coming from a bad place.

People look at our decisions through their own life experiences…Their own fears. Their own ideas about what is possible.

But they don’t have to live your life…You do.

And they won’t have to live with the regret of all the things you wanted to do but didn’t…You will.

That doesn’t mean we ignore good advice or stop listening to people we trust. It just means other people’s opinions don’t automatically get the final vote.

Showing Up Doesn’t Mean Having Everything Figured Out

I also don’t want “show up in your own life” to become another thing we put pressure on ourselves to do perfectly, because that would completely defeat the purpose.

Showing up doesn’t mean waking up tomorrow completely fearless, confident and transformed…I wish. 😂

Sometimes showing up is tiny. It is making the phone call. Taking the class. Putting on the swimsuit. Going somewhere alone. Booking the trip. Applying for the job. Going back to school. Starting the YouTube channel. Taking better care of your body. Getting serious about your finances. Setting a boundary or taking one small step toward something you have been thinking about for years.

You don’t have to reinvent your entire life on Monday morning. You just have to stop automatically telling yourself no. That one little shift can change a lot.

Instead of immediately thinking, “I can’t,” maybe we start asking, “How can I?”

Instead of “I’m too old,” maybe it becomes, “Why not now?”

Instead of “What will people think?” maybe we ask, “What will I think if I never try?”

What Do You Actually Want?

This may be the biggest question of all.

Not what should you want. Not what looks impressive. Not what everyone around you thinks you should want. Not what the woman on Instagram says your life should look like, but what do you want?

And maybe you don’t completely know yet. For me, it’s evolving…and that’s okay too.

Maybe you just know you want your life to feel different.

You want more peace. More fun. More adventure. More confidence. More purpose. More financial freedom. More creativity. More romance. More mornings when you wake up excited about your own life or maybe you simply want to feel like you again.

There is no one right answer.

That is one of the things I love most about this stage of life. We get to decide.

We can take everything we have learned, everything we have survived, everything we now understand about ourselves and ask:

What do I want the rest of my life to look like?

Not because we are running away from the life we already have but because we are finally willing to fully participate in it.

Give Yourself Permission

Nobody is coming to hand you a permission slip…you have to give yourself permission.

Permission to try. Permission to fail. Permission to change. Permission to want more. Permission to want less. Permission to take up space. Permission to rest. Permission to dream again. Permission to start over. Permission to fully live the life you have been given.

You don’t need permission to show up in your own life, so stop asking.

And maybe the first step isn’t changing everything; maybe it is simply deciding that from this point forward, you are no longer going to be the person standing in your own way.

Because this is your life too and you deserve to actually be in it.

If this message resonated with you, I also created a free guide called “Your Best Life Starts Now” with 10 simple shifts to help you feel more confident, purposeful, and fully alive. You can download Your Best Life Starts Now here.